The Big Purge - Our Feelings
As expressed on #FridayNightLive this past week...every month, I try to slowly ramp us into our topic. First, we explore the need for focusing on said topic. Next, we commit to taking small steps in our daily lives that will bring us closer to experiencing freedom in said area. Finally, we jump the big hurdle, together! But something interrupted our normal rhythms this month...that ever happened to you? You are going along all smooth-like when POW, something unwanted hits you smack in the face and you are forced to deal with it. Welcome to my day.
This is the last thing I wanted to ponder on this beautiful, sunny yet breezy, Florida morning...but here we are. To be honest, I was still going to avoid it, dance around it, “keep it light”...but sometimes we just can’t. We are fearless warriors getting a grip on our lives, so we are grabbing the bull by the horns and tackling this bad boy.
This morning, a 17 year old took her own life in the auditorium of one of our local high schools. I know, not a sentence you wanted to read. Way too deep for your leisurely reading, I am totally aware. BUT please don’t let yourself get so jaded to current events that you forget the lives of those that are behind him. This kid had parents, siblings, teachers, friends...all living in a moment of devastation this morning (and frankly for months/years to come)...and I can’t help but be overwhelmed at the thought that this precious little girl was so full of negative emotion that she literally couldn’t live with herself.
I also can’t help but be reminded of the moments when I have felt very similarly... paralyzed by feelings of being unworthy, never good enough/pretty enough/smart enough/rich enough, unwanted, lonely, misunderstood or unseen, pain so bad I thought my chest would explode. I’m forcing myself to step into this space today because I know I am not alone. I know there are countless unspoken moments just like these within our tribe alone, let alone women of the world. So many in fact, that we could get lost in the hows and whys of it all. Rather than analyze “the why”, let’s admit to one another that these moments happen...and see if there is anything we can do to minimize the possible effects they could have on our lives.
Just the other day, a lady that I have loved and worked closely with for years walked into my workplace. Unfortunately, there was a falling out with the organization that brought us together and we haven’t spoken for well over a year now. Now, here she was standing ten feet from me...this was our chance! We saw each other, she heard my name out loud and she turned the other way completely ignoring me. I was heartbroken...feeling rejected and worthless. Luckily, it was right at the very end of my shift and I was able to get to my truck before breaking down completely. I was SO mad, hurt, devastated...my whole day was ruined. Watch #FNL to hear the whole story and several other day to day examples.
Or was it? I had every right to sit there and cry, maybe binge on some carbs or chocolate, hide under a blanket watching Netflix and not answering my phone. In doing that though, I would be sacrificing the plans I already had to go to the gym, write an article, organize my bathroom and schedule our social posts for the week. I wasn’t about to allow this disappointment to take me so far off course that I chose to wallow, instead of win.
In a surprise turn of events, I made some choices in that moment that helped me get through it:
Called a friend and let it out.
Gave myself 5 minutes to be in your feelings - cry it out.
Made a decision - how much power am I going to give this in my life?
Move on - some people will love you my darling, others won’t...period.
But, the real magic came when I found a great article on The Well Necessities about emotional detoxing. If you knew that by purging your emotions you were protecting not only yourselves, but also your loved ones...would you do it? If you are anything like me, of course you would WANT TO, but you: have no idea where to even begin, are afraid of looking like a victim and/or are scared it’s gonna hurt. A couple things to keep in mind before you begin:
Our experiences are just experiences - they DO NOT define us!
Don’t avoid the purge for fear of looking weak - it IS NOT a weakness to deal with your emotions, it’s wisdom.
Don’t get stuck! Feel what you feel and then move forward.
So grab a pen, take a picture, hit share...whatever you need to do to prepare yourself. Here are five steps to purging emotional clutter:
Dig deep - find it. What is it we need to purge? Where did it come from? Does it really belong to you?
Write it down - journal it, make a list, scratch it on a bar napkin, just get it out.
Forgive them - Whether out loud, in writing or in person. I know, easier said than done, but the cost of unforgiveness is SO high...why hold on to it?
Forgive yourself - we are human, we screw up, but there is nothing we can’t come back from EXCEPT ironically, the ramifications of holding on to negative emotions.
Throw it away! Don’t leave that list or bar napkin in your purse...toss it, lose it, burn it.
What if that young girl had the opportunity to purge her emotions...would she still be with us today? What about the countless others of us that walk through life never expressing just how overloaded we really are...until it’s too late? Emotional purging can help prevent tragedy in our lives and the lives of our loved ones.
Life is a beautiful thing, with so many incredible things to offer, but if our cup is already full of piss and vinegar...we’ve got no room left for the sweet stuff.
Feel free to use our comments to purge girl...after all, we are in this together!